December 6, 2010

• Distracting

  I keep looking for music.

  I want music that touches me in some seriously deep way. And I'm not discriminating. Lately it's been a mix of songs from Disney soundtracks and bits by European DJs or a random song by Fela Kuti. I need sound, a piece of life, of someone else's emotion to distract me from mine. I don't quite have the patience yet to abide this healing process in peace. I feel anything but at peace.

  And it's distracting, and that distraction is immediately annoying because, despite appearances to the contrary I'm actually pretty busy. I have papers to write and emails to respond to and meetings to attend and programs to plan. I'm annoyed because some people would be able to do all these things without distraction. There'd be a neat little box in a corner of their mind titled "Shit to think about later" and in it would be exes and pain and loneliness etc. I don't have neat little boxes. I have an unnamed basket with no cover with things spilling out of it inadvertently, things on the carpet and hanging over the sides. It's in a corner, so to speak, but I can still see it, and occasionally trip over the stuff on the floor near it. I'm tired of my basket.

  But I'm not some people. I'm me. I think that's the crux of it all. If I could get that through my head I'd be ok with my Disney music and my European DJ music and my basket.

  And then there'd be peace.

   

   

  • 1:43 pm
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