February 9, 2009
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In Transition
There's something about spending the entire day alone at home with no particular schedule to speak of that can make a person exceptionally aware of...everything. Like the quiet, and then the intermittent base booming through the walls courtesy of the next door neighbor's adult son, an avid fan of thrasher-murder-people's-eardrums sort of music. And the drowsiness I feel, despite having made a valiant attempt at getting to bed before 4am and making it at 2am (affording me a whopping 7 hours of sleep). The slight despair at having to read or reread some of the list of books/plays/poems in preparation for retaking a portion of my exam, despite not quite knowing when the do over is supposed to happen. And the odd way the light filters into a room, the way it mingles with the memories of naptime dreams.
Even being outside, while in my car trying to decide whether I wanted ice-cream, a bottle of dessert wine or some decadent chocolate cake...or all three, brought me cause to think. I set out, mistaking a tall whitish street lamp for the moon, scowling without realizing it as I drove. As I drove though, I noticed the real moon, pale and beautiful. And reproaching. It occurred to me then. I was being sullen. For no good reason.
Eventually I got an ice-cream cone from Baskin Robbins, coffee flavored with a cake cone (the only way to eat ice-cream, mind you), mindless of ruining my appetite. I am learning to be content. I am back home again for a few months, I'm settling in and learning to be content. I am in transition, and it feels sort of good.
Exceptional really.
Comments (3)
*random comment*...
Interesting entry.
Good luck on the exam.
~1~
Hey. I have been terrible with my subs this week. Everyday I said i was gonna catch up, but I got pulled away. Anyway, on to this post.
Content is good, just so long as you don't become complacent. It's so funny because I just gave a friend of mine that same advice. He was freaking out because he feels like he should be further in life.
Anyway Happy Valentine's Day. You know I love you, even if I am terrible at showing it sometimes.
@vanedave - :) This made my entire Valentine's Day (I actually read this yesterday)! Well that and some ice-cream and some well needed dancing, but you helped too! And seriously, I don't mind if you don't read every day or even every week. Just a once in a while visit is quite alright...besides real friends can ignore each other for weeks and then pick right back up where they left off.
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