January 22, 2009

  • What is this free time you speak of?

    The good thing about not having anything more important on my plate than my two part time jobs is that I have a lot of time to do things I haven't done in months, like catch up on my cheesy, ridiculously unimportant pop culture news (apparently Britney made a really naughty song), read my magazines (OMG Travel and Leisure magazine needs to stop teasing me with pictures of Greece) and of course contact with the human world.

    It's the contact part that's kind of throwing me for a loop though. I mean, xanga crushes are one thing (yeah...I'm finally admitting to having a few of those), but there are real people out there, people who might want the pleasure of my company. Since this is the longest I've been single in 5 years (another story for another day) I'm finding myself cringing at the thought of dating. I don't think I've ever dated. Definitely didn't in high school, not in any serious way, and when I got to college it was series of non-dates (if you know what I mean. Ok, well not a series. That term makes me sound way more...fun-loving than I probably am) followed by the most serious relationship of my life to date. In essence, I am a dating noob. And to be honest I'm not entirely certain I'm inclined to date right now. Apparently there is a lot of merit to being single.

    Not that I don't have offers. It's odd how many subtle and not so subtle offers I'm getting actually. I don't quite know how to respond. Still, all I'm craving is freedom (which, sadly makes it sound like I was caged in for a long time. I wasn't). I'm craving a trip to somewhere, someplace beautiful and different and void of all the people in the world that I know. Around this time last year I was coming back from Costa Rica by myself. It was wonderful. And for some reason I can't help but think about my trip in 2005. Being in London has changed my life I think. It has opened doors and windows in my head. I can go anywhere. I can, in essence, be anything.

    And in this moment of transition, while I'm packing my things into boxes and waiting to hear back from schools, and looking for jobs in New Jersey (where I will be relocating to in a week until early summer when I will have, hopefully, figured out my life), those memories of freedom are priceless.

Comments (4)

  • Sounds like what you want is someone who  you can be booed up with, but also want your space... I always know that just having fun is the most important thing in a date...

    I think once you get a taste of different cultures, it's a craving for more... I just get excited seeing different parts of the US, and I lived in Japan for 4 years, There's so much more I want to see... and I will eventually...

    D

  • It sounds like you're happy with who you are and where you are; it might not be the right time for you to get into a relationships... and that's okay! Enjoy your "you" time... and all that "free" time you have now, you know! :)

  • Don't force yourself to be in a relationship if that is not what you want right now. Enjoy singledom. I hear you about not knowing how to date. I don't even know how to flirt...

    I want to travel... :::sigh::: Eventually, one day...

  • being single is definitely a money-saver. 

    i sit at the bar at the Cheesecake Factory, by myself, sometimes.  and it's not that bad to eat, alone.

    i may never NEED a date, now.

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