October 1, 2008

  • This is not the way it's supposed to be

    Today is not supposed to happen this way. Today is the first day of October, the month that belongs to me (it's mine by way of birth, and though there may be others with a similar claim mine is the one that counts here). It's my month, but it has already begun so badly. I won't go into the amount of suckage that went into teaching today. I'll just say that the broken photocopier and my exhaustion didn't help. Worst day ever! And it's only just after 8:30am.

    I'm worried that this will be a forecast for my month. That's a large assumption I know. There are 30 other days left for October to redeem itself, after all. Still. I can't help but wonder. I like October plenty, it being the month I was born in and all. I even like the harvest decorations and allusions, and eeriness of Halloween (though I don't dress up and have never been trick or treating). I want to like October. I really do. But I have a strange sense or foreboding and premonition that has made me want to cancel any thought of celebrating my birthday with a largish to-do and just sit at home until November.

    I've really been in a weird state of existence since the beginning of the fall, and I'm growing weary of it. I'm tired of the angst, the constant internal chatter. My brain needs to shut up.

    The only thing cheering me up today is the thought of skipping class and going to Philadelphia to stalk my favorite author who will be reading a chapter of his newest book there, and whose work makes me happy. Of course, I won't have time to read his new book after I buy it, but at least I can look at it and dream.

Comments (8)

  • October is my month too. Here lets make a pact. I think we have both been in a little bit of a funk lately so lets just say that we are going to force ourselves out of it by the end of the week. We are going to enjoy this month damnit. WE MUST!

  • September was my month; and it was a complete blur... Can I move into your month? Don't worry about the foreboding tone... you can change that simply by changing your outlook--it's all within your control. Go do something fun and make a decision before you do it that you WILL HAVE FUN. It's amazing how that simple decision can change your experience.

  • Happy Birthday? Octoberfest!

  • hahaha 'I can look at it and dream'

    Hopefully the month will be great

  • I know what you mean about the weird state of existence since the beginning of fall. I know what you mean...

  • i think you're just embellishing the oddity of today's events. shrug it off and keep it moving. IT'S STILL YOUR MONTH. don't let simple calamities deter you from what you wanna do. you can either examine the tree's roots or dissect and enjoy its fruit. release the brakes and drive Tess

    Ric

  • Happy birthday month! I missed October by 3 days.

    I am hoping for the rest of the month goes a little better than this one day. I am sure that things will level out for you! 

  • @vanedave - I'm with you. I won't let anything taint my...I mean our month :)

    @Shirlann - You most certainly can! I'm getting better at sharing :) It is really about having a particular outlook. I will have a wonderful month.

    @shuddertothink - Thank you!

    @preetylenses - LOL..seriously. Some day I'll be able to read for fun again. I hope so too.

    @ChokolateSoul - Right! I need it to go away.

    @Alphaflomegaman - I probably was embellishing a bit. I'll take your advice though.

    @LesbianSoulChild - Thank you! I'm hoping so too.

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